aprilreign91

Get inside my creative mind.

“The JFA” (Full Version) October 8, 2012

Filed under: Plays,Writing — aprilreignshowers @ 5:57 pm
Tags: , ,

The JFA

A Short Play by April Jones

October 6, 2012

CHARACTERS

LORI              asshole assassin, fit and middle aged

JAKE              asshole, mid 20s

TIME

Right now.

SETTING

Vacant wooded area.

(Single spotlight comes up on a young man, his name is JAKE. He is blindfolded and tied to a tree by ropes and wires. He is covered with scratches and bruises. There is blood around his mouth where he was obviously punched in the jaw. A brunette woman approaches JAKE, her name is LORI from stage right. She walks slowly toward JAKE. She pauses and stares at his tied up and beaten body for a few, long moments. She kicks him in the stomach. JAKE wakes up with a yell.)

JAKE

What the fuck? Why the fuck can’t I see?

(LORI stands not making any movements. A little grin appears on her face. She kicks JAKE again.)

Stop kicking me please?! (finally realizing that he’s tied up and blindfolded) What’s going on? Why can’t I see?

LORI

(laughs)

You’re a fucking idiot.

JAKE

Who are you? Let me go! Please!

LORI

Shut the fuck up! You don’t want the wolves to come for you, do you? They will eat your fucking stomach for dinner.

JAKE

What?!

LORI

Actually that may not be such a bad idea. I mean, I won’t have to blow your brains out myself.

JAKE

What the fuck? What are you talking about?

(LORI kicks JAKE in the stomach again. He yells loudly in pain. She kicks him again.)

LORI

Keep yelling. I’m sure those wolves are hungry right now.

JAKE

Stop it, you crazy bitch!

LORI

(mockingly, like a petulant child)

Jake, that’s not a nice thing to say to a woman.

JAKE

How the fuck do you know my name?

LORI

I’ll never tell you that. Just know that I know all about you and what a jackass you are.

JAKE

What the fuck?

LORI

Can’t you say anything else, you dickwad?

JAKE

This is fucked up! I’m blindfolded and tied to…a tree I guess. Just let me go. I’ll give you money…anything!

LORI

No can do.

JAKE

Why are you doing this?

LORI

Because you, Jake, are a JFA or a Jerk Face Asshole. I kill assholes like you for fun and it’s really some of the best of times.

JAKE

What the fuck? I didn’t do anything!

LORI

Are you sure about that? I think Carla will beg to differ.

JAKE

(getting very scared and struggles against the ropes and wires, injuring his wrists.)

Who the fuck are you? How do you know Carla?

LORI

Don’t you fucking listen? I know everything about you.

JAKE

Did she put you up to this? She’s just fucking with me, right?

LORI

It’s irrelevant. All you need to know is that my job tonight is to torture you like you tortured that poor girl. And being the relentless bitch that I am, this is going to be incredibly fun.

JAKE

Fuck! Let me go!

(He screams for help and LORI laughs.)

LORI

The only attention you’ll draw is those wolves.

JAKE

Fuck you!

LORI

I may be a crazy bitch, but I don’t fuck with walking STIs like you. I have to keep my health up if I’m going to be able to continue killing assholes.

Let me go, bitch or I’ll fucking kill you!

LORI

Yeah…that’s not how this works.

JAKE

Just fucking kill me then! Right the fuck now!

LORI

Now that would be too fucking easy.

JAKE

Or maybe you’re just a pussy. You’re fucking with me, aren’t you? Fucking Carla put you up to this? Huh? She’s been bitter ever since we’ve broken up. Well fuck her if she thinks she’s going to get away with this. This is crazy!

LORI

No one said anything about Carla being a part of this. Sweet girl, though.

JAKE

Well, then why the fuck are you doing this? If you’re going to kill me then I deserve to know why.

LORI

Is your head really that far up your ass? You are a piece of shit. A cheating piece of shit.

JAKE

That’s bullshit!

LORI

Really? You’re really going to lie about it given that any moment I’m going to blow your head off.

JAKE

I don’t have to admit anything to you, bitch!

LORI

You’re right.

(She leans down toward JAKE and grabs him roughly by the neck.)

You don’t have to admit a fucking thing because I already know. I watch assholes like you and saw all of the shit you pulled. Meeting up with Carla and then with another skank right afterward? Day after day. Fucking classic. I knew you had to be next on my list.

(She lets go of his neck and JAKE coughs violently trying to catch his breath.)

JAKE

(Struggles to speak)

What…the fuck?! You w-watched me?

LORI

And then one day I saw Carla come in to that same restaurant and catch you in the act with that skank. She looked so heartbroken. I knew what I had to do. And…well look here.

JAKE

Look, I didn’t mean it. Shit happens, alright?

LORI

Shit happens?

JAKE

Carla was a stuck up bitch. She never wanted to fuck or anything like that.

LORI

So because she didn’t want your dick it’s her fault?

JAKE

I’m a man!

LORI

A man doesn’t cheat on his girlfriend because she’s not putting out!

JAKE

Why do you even give a shit? A guy did you wrong? You seem like one of those stuck up bitches who never want to put out.

LORI

You’re really not doing yourself any favors right now.

JAKE

So what? You’re going to kill me anyway. I’m a dead man, right?

 LORI

The worst part about this is that you’re not even sorry. Shit! The others at least made their last words an apology before I blew their heads off.

JAKE

You won’t get away with this. Someone will find your crazy ass.

LORI

You sound like the other JFAs. I have been doing this way before you even knew with that piece of shit between your legs. No one is going to find me.

JAKE

(The sound of defeat in his voice)

You really are a relentless bitch.

LORI

I’m bored of you now. Any last words?

JAKE

Fuck, you’re really going to do it. You’re going to kill me.

(He suddenly starts crying, the stress of his ordeal finally hitting him).

You want me to be sorry right? Fine! I cheated on Carla. I fucked another girl and she found out. I’m sorry for what I did, okay? I’m sorry that I fucked her over and took her for granted. I’m sorry that I made her feel like shit. But she’s not. She was one of the best damn things to ever happen to me and I fucked up. I love her and I’m sorry.

LORI

Good.

(LORI pulls out a glock pistol from her jacket pocket.)

Now you can die knowing just how much of a fuck up you are.

(She pushes the gun against JAKE’s forehead. He let’s out a loud sob and she pulls the trigger. He immediately slumps over. She watches his dead body for a moment and then puts the gun back in her pocket. She gets up and walks off stage right.)

On to the next.

END OF PLAY

 

One Response to ““The JFA” (Full Version)”

  1. A guy pissed me off, so I wrote this. Nothing scarier than a woman scorned. I am the playwright version of Taylor Swift. lol!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s